Help me with my Query Letter!

Query Letter for Bulletproof Soul

I am seeking representation for my completed science fiction space opera novel of 110,000 words, titled BULLETPROOF SOUL. It can be sold as a standalone novel, but begins a trilogy which traces the action through a series of intrepid events and political intrigue.


My novel is dual tracked with Anneliese Trahan, a brash young pilot working for the military wing of Nollevelle Corporation trying to make a new career for herself after breaking away from the cushy life of her family trade ship. Her once promising career is spiraling out of control and one pitfall after another vector her onto a collision course with Laurent La Jeunesse, an entrepreneur responsible for the breakthrough and deployment of the Quantum Gates that drove the diaspora of humanity throughout the galaxy.  300 years ago he lost control of these gates to the ruthless Nollevelle Corporation, and watched them manipulate who got access and who didn’t, choking interstellar growth and trade in the process, as well as bleed the economies of countless star systems. As BULLETPROOF SOUL begins, Laurent’s plan to wrench back control and free the masses of their oppression is ready to trigger. Using a secret syndicate, he thinks he’s planned for every contingency but he doesn’t realize his real nemesis is an old ally that he hasn’t seen in over 600 years whose been plotting his downfall for centuries.

Does this make you want to read the book?  Ok, I’m asking for some critiques, so help me out please!  It’s a work in progress, so it likely change over time.