5 Things Friday – What I’ve Learned About Relationships
Friday August 16, 2019 | By Hieronymus Hawkes | 5 Things | Leave Comments
[caption id="attachment_media-80" align="alignright" width="360"] Photo by Jessica Lewis on Pexels.com[/caption]
- Honesty - It really is the best policy. Trust is huge. Jealousy is a horrible thing and lack of faith in the other person leads to this in many cases. I can vaguely remember being in the dating scene and trying to find someone you could trust. It is much harder than it should be. It was so refreshing meeting my wife. We don't lie to each other and never have. I don't have to remember what I told her to keep it straight, she already knows. We have been together a long time now, 27 years, and we have learned to trust each other implicitly. I think this is the bedrock of any strong relationship.
- Servant heart - This might sound funny, but what I mean is put your partner first. It takes both people doing this to make it work or resentment will follow. If you are always the one giving and not getting anything in return it won't work in the long run. The reciprocal is also true. That is not to say we should do things to get things in return, but if both people are putting the other ahead of themselves it works fabulously. That doesn't mean you can't have solo time, or plan for things one person wants to do, but when you have the best interest of your partner in mind it all balances out.
- Communicate - This is true of just about any endeavor. It is usually the weakest link in any organization from big to small. Keeping others informed about what is going on will save embarrassment and hurt feelings. It helps others empathize if they understand what is going on. It allows you to have teamwork and accomplish things much easier than trying to shoulder a burden by yourself.
- Apologize - Even when you are not wrong. Sometimes it just takes someone to say they are sorry to break the ice. But especially if you are in the wrong. Being stubborn does not lead to a better relationship. My wife and I have a policy that we don't go to bed mad at each other. I won't say there haven't been times when it was a close thing, but in the end we talk out whatever the issue may be, and we do try to put the other person first. Keeping that in mind when you are mad is hard sometimes, but in the long run letting go of your pride and remembering why you are together is usually enough of a reason. Making up is a wonderful feeling.
- Expectations - Be clear about them up front. Don't make your partner guess at what you expect. Don't get mad at your partner because they didn't do what you expected when you didn't let them know. It is not intuitive to do this, even though it seems so obvious in retrospect. This sounds simple, and it is, but it surprises me how many people don't do this easy thing. I tried to make it one of my priorities as a leader as well.
Communicating in the 21st Century
Thursday March 24, 2016 | By Hieronymus Hawkes | Editorial | Leave Comments
[caption id="attachment_53" align="alignleft" width="338"] Creative Commons Anne Worner - Communication[/caption] I recently watched a video of Celeste Headlee doing a TED talk on 10 Ways to have a better conversation. Celeste's TED Talk It was sadly eye-opening for me. For a long time I know I've struggled to be a good listener. Actually most of the time I don't struggle; I just don't listen well. I am a chronic interrupter. But, as usual, this is bigger than my poor listening skills. Celeste hits the nail on the head in pointing out that as our children grow up in this new connected environment we all live in, with a cell phone usually within arm's reach, that we've become accustomed to transmitting, but not receiving or interacting. Or if we do receive it is on our time and without the worry of interruption. There is little face-to-face conversation. I touch on this very issue in my story Quintessence where being connected in the future is not just habitual, it's the law. But I think these communication issues are very real. (more…)Read More