Fireflies & Laserbeams

5 Things Friday – What I’ve Learned About Relationships

Friday August 16, 2019 | By Hieronymus Hawkes | 5 Things | Leave Comments

  [caption id="attachment_media-80" align="alignright" width="360"]photo of couple hugging during dawn Photo by Jessica Lewis on[/caption]

  1. Honesty - It really is the best policy. Trust is huge. Jealousy is a horrible thing and lack of faith in the other person leads to this in many cases. I can vaguely remember being in the dating scene and trying to find someone you could trust. It is much harder than it should be. It was so refreshing meeting my wife. We don't lie to each other and never have. I don't have to remember what I told her to keep it straight, she already knows. We have been together a long time now, 27 years, and we have learned to trust each other implicitly. I think this is the bedrock of any strong relationship.
  2. Servant heart - This might sound funny, but what I mean is put your partner first. It takes both people doing this to make it work or resentment will follow. If you are always the one giving and not getting anything in return it won't work in the long run. The reciprocal is also true. That is not to say we should do things to get things in return, but if both people are putting the other ahead of themselves it works fabulously. That doesn't mean you can't have solo time, or plan for things one person wants to do, but when you have the best interest of your partner in mind it all balances out.
  3. Communicate - This is true of just about any endeavor. It is usually the weakest link in any organization from big to small. Keeping others informed about what is going on will save embarrassment and hurt feelings. It helps others empathize if they understand what is going on. It allows you to have teamwork and accomplish things much easier than trying to shoulder a burden by yourself.
  4. Apologize - Even when you are not wrong. Sometimes it just takes someone to say they are sorry to break the ice. But especially if you are in the wrong. Being stubborn does not lead to a better relationship. My wife and I have a policy that we don't go to bed mad at each other. I won't say there haven't been times when it was a close thing, but in the end we talk out whatever the issue may be, and we do try to put the other person first. Keeping that in mind when you are mad is hard sometimes, but in the long run letting go of your pride and remembering why you are together is usually enough of a reason. Making up is a wonderful feeling.
  5. Expectations -  Be clear about them up front. Don't make your partner guess at what you expect. Don't get mad at your partner because they didn't do what you expected when you didn't let them know. It is not intuitive to do this, even though it seems so obvious in retrospect. This sounds simple, and it is, but it surprises me how many people don't do this easy thing. I tried to make it one of my priorities as a leader as well.
What have you learned about relationships?

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Truth and Consequences

Friday August 19, 2011 | By Hieronymus Hawkes | Blogging | Leave Comments

 Philip Dick has been getting a lot of attention the last few years, and has been the inspiration for a few movies that I really like, Blade Runner being my favorite. I just recently finished reading Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, which is the basis for the screenplay of Blade Runner, even though it is hardly recognizable. The book is dark, even darker than the movie. Take Blade Runner and make everyone dying of radiation poisoning and going slowly insane. Dick often asks questions about reality and our perception of it and then takes it one step further. There is an interesting quote in the book I just read, let me share it with you:
"You will be required to do wrong no matter where you go. It is the basic condition of life, to be required to violate your own identity. At some time, every creature which lives must do so. It is the ultimate shadow, the defeat of creation; this is the curse at work, the curse that feeds on all life. Everywhere in the universe."
    I think perhaps there is something to this. It's not so much that we have to do wrong, but the pressure is always there or maybe the temptation. I've read on a few blogs lately about finding your blog voice too, and it all runs with the same theme. We all have choices, we can try to be something we aren't but I think authenticity can be sensed. Personally, I try to do right and be myself and not try to be something I'm not. I try to teach that to my children as well.      Contrary-wise, as writer's we are constantly being something we aren't through our characters. We put little parts of ourselves in every character, and it gives us a chance to really explore parts of ourselves where we might make bad choices and do wrong. We get to make up stories and put our characters in situations where they have choices too,and we often put them in a position where they have no choice but to do bad things. Does that make us bad?      Writing in the right genre is part of being true to yourself also, and it's more than writing what you know, but just as important to write what your have passion for. I know I'm not going to write the Great American Novel. I will be a niche writer, because that's where my interests lie. I love Science Fiction and I also love the vampire genre, so for my first book I combined them together. It's been done before, but not overdone I don't think. Not that it would really matter to me. I'm bringing my own flavor to it.      Honesty and right-thinking also flavors our happiness to some degree. We may be doing a day job that we aren't completely happy with, because our true passion is writing, at least for me it is, and I have a great day job. But it's just not my passion. So maybe I am doing wrong everyday by staying in that job, but it pays well, and I have more than just myself to think of. I look forward to the day when I can write full-time, and I sure hope it makes me happy. I keep telling my kids to follow their dreams, but I didn't find my real passion until I was well into a different career. Clear Ether!

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